A big thanx to all my friends here at GCC who made my 20th birthday absolutely fantabulous! I got to go on a scavenger hunt, I was taken out for ice cream, and everyone threw a surprise party for me. You guys are the best! So now I am officially in my 20s. ...weird.

"I am sick to death of cleverness. Everybody is clever nowadays. You can't go anywhere without meeting clever people. The thing has become an absolute public nuisance. I wish to goodness we had a few fools left." (Jack from The Importance of Being Earnest)

I know, I know. I haven't added anything of consequential excitement in quite some time. But, I mean, let's be honest here (thanks to Emily, I have learned to look at myself quite candidly this year). I really don't lead an exciting life. I get up, I go to classes for 3 or 4 hours, I get back and spend twice that doing homework and then it starts all over again. Of course, there are those moments...like the "experiments" with stuffed animals and windows and boys. Or staying up all night with Malinda, Carrie, & Sarah at the IV retreat doing all sorts of crazy things (don't worry guys, next time we'll work on facing East to see the sunrise). So I really haven't had too many exciting, clever things to write about. But then good ol' Jack reminded me that that's okay. It seems like everyone here is brilliant and witty. Why should I expect myself to conform to that? How boring the world would be without some of my friends, who are great fools! (and that is a high compliment). So there is no deep insight for the day--no thought-provoking article. Only silly me, enjoying this procrastination. ...I think I might go fishing for squirrels.

Tonight we had a tornado warning. One was spotted six miles from campus, so they made us all go down to the ground floors of our dorms and wait it out. Unfortunately, Calderwood was not swept away. I have not heard any rumors of Bon Apetit food storage exploding over campus, and I'm pretty sure a certain Prof. here was not affected by the same weather. I'm sure it was due to the fact that the wonders of science was able to predict exactly what the weather would be doing. But he doesn't believe in science...or hates it...or thinks it's heretical or blasphemous....or something like that.... In any case, it was a pretty uneventful tornado warning.

It's kind of funny how certain small things will impact your life in such a profound way. For example, I am reading, for the fourth time I believe, the book A Cry for Mercy by Henri J.M. Nouwen. Henri Nouwen lived in a monastery for 17 months in 1979 and 1980. If anyone had ever told me that I would be able to relate to this guy, I would have told them that they were crazy. But the more I read this man's prayer journal, the more insight I gain from it. There is rarely a week that goes by when reading through this book where I won't pick out a sentence or day's journal that is the precise feelings and issues that I am struggling with. It has been both a comfort and encouragement to me.
April 5: "I keep projecting my present condition onto the future...But who am I to know what life will be like for me tomorrow, next week, next year, or ten years from now? Even more, who am I to know who you (God) will be for me in the year ahead?"
May 10: "Dear Lord, in the midst of much inner turmoil and restlessness, there is a consoling thought: maybe you are working in me in a way I cannot yet feel, experience or understand."
June 29: "You, O Lord, did not choose the lukewarm, the neutral, or the middle-of-the-road type...Let me have the courage to live fully even when it is risky, vibrantly even when it leads to pain, and spontaneously even when it leads to mistakes. But let me live always for you, so that I can be molded by you into an instrument of your word."
July 7: "Dear Lord, today I thought of the words of Vincent van Gogh: 'It is true there is an ebb and flow, but the sea remains the sea.' You are the sea. Although I experience many ups and downs in my emotions and often feel great shifts and changes in my inner life, you remain the same...My only real temptation is to doubt in your love, to think of myself as beyond the reach of your love, to remove myself from the healing radiance of your love. To do these things is to move into the darkness of despair. O Lord, sea of love and goodness, let me not fear too much the storms and winds of my daily life, and let me know that there is ebb and flow but that the sea remains the sea. Amen."

Metamorphosis by Me
In the beginning -- GOD
He created--He spoke--it was
He is the word
He is the light--it gives us life--it gives us love
He came to his own but his own did not receive him
There was darkness--there was night
A cloud of death--the death of souls
Snatching of hearts--destruction of faith
Hopelessness
Loneliness
Fear
Then the Butterflies
Bright illuminating colors
Rays of hope and sunshine
In this black world
Creating a ring of endless light
A deep dazzling darkness
Piercing the souls
And bringing life
Life!
Joy, music, love, and laughter
God, you are my refuge and my strength
Who is like unto thee, O Lord among gods?
I lift your name on high
And sing thanksgiving and praise
For this Metamorphosis.